Girl-Boy, Can’t be “Just Friends”?
I watch chinese drama, especially those TVB ones, or chinese movies. There’s always stories about a girl and a guy, who is very close but not lovers. It’s always either the girl or the guy have their own partner, but then the girl and the guy are close. Sometime they end up falling in love, sometime they’re just friends.
Now this kinda story happens to me. I have a friend, girl who is quite close to me. Yes, just “quite”, not “so” or “very”. We are just friends. But then again, my classmates, those kaypoh kaypoh always say I’m his girlfriend I’m her boyfriend (thanks to Azmeen for pointing out). We never even date. We never even call each other (unless asking about what homework to do, most of the time, just SMS). Are we even lovers?
Is it just because of we always talk to each other during recess? Or maybe because of I sometimes walk with her until the gate of our school when our school is over? Or is it because of I helped her on her homeworks? Or maybe because she always asked me about homeworks stuff where there’s many other guys in our class? That’s the only some stuff we have done and my classmates are saying we’re lovers.
It’s not like both of us are againts this love thing. It’s just that both of us have the same perception, “There’s something better to do right now, and love or having boyfriend/girlfriend is not it”. So, we do have our limits right? We won’t do things that lovers do, such as dating, hold hands, watch movie just the 2 of us or so on. Hmm… I think we never did that.
Enough about me and her, back to the topic, why can’t people change their perception? Is it that Girl-Boy is not a friendship, but a relationship (loveship 
)? Can’t a Girl-Boy be just friends? Like me and her, we’re just friends, nothing more.
Popularity: 4% [?]
May 21st, 2005 at 11:34 am
Hhhmm….I guess most people face this problem in school. But if it is confortable for you and the girl, you will get friendship.
May 21st, 2005 at 11:46 am
Hmmm…well…in high school most of my better friends were girls anyway. I never really had guy friends I can trust because they kept ditching me at moments. So in the end yeah, you can have good one on one friendships between just a guy and a girl. Just don’t mistake good friendships for love. That would be a pain in the ass to get mixed up in problems like that.
May 21st, 2005 at 11:49 am
It’s not that i don’t think a girl-boy friendship is not possible, but i don’t think CLOSE girl-boy friendships are possible. cause somewhere, u sure will grow to have feelings for the other person. either the guy will have it or the girl will DEFINITELY have it… especially the girl (if u are VERY VERY nice to her, she probably will like u after awhile.
i dunno, but that’s my thought anyway… i think maybe it CAN happen, just that it’s abit hard and RARE.
May 21st, 2005 at 12:03 pm
I think it is very possible. I’m living in one right now. I have a very close friend who is a boy and we have been close friends since after high school til now (that’s about 7-8 years already!)
However having an extremely close opposite friend may sometimes cause some misunderstanding… the girl/boy you like may stay away bcoz you seem to be ‘attached’, and if your gf/bf is not the very understanding type where they get really jealous, it may ruin your gf/bf relationship or your close friends relationship.
But know this, friendship is such a wonderful treasure. Just enjoy and appreciate the friendship.
cheers!
May 21st, 2005 at 3:47 pm
elaine: it can happen. and it’s happening. take vkin for example, and me too, although mine isn’t that close though :happy:
People should change their perception, shouldnt they?
May 21st, 2005 at 10:37 pm
Dude that is called CLASSMATE alright? Your friends got to be clear of this, well obviously they can’t cause they don’t know you both private time
just let it be 
But honestly, if that girl is your naighbour or close friend since primary school, I can say that it is no FRIENDSHIP 
May 22nd, 2005 at 2:24 am
HmMM… to answer your questions in the last paragraph in my opinion, I really think Girl-Boy can have PURE friendship.
Friendship means friendship, no more, no less. But of course, friendship can evolve to Love anytime. It depends on the feeling towards each other too.
When we are young, we tend to have feeling easily towards the opposite gender, it’s normal. I do have a few close female friends whom I’m so sure can’t be my gf, because what we are having are PURE friendships. If we treat a person nice, then he/she must be our lover, probably we’ll have lots of lovers then. Love is only for one person, whereas you can have Friendships with any number of friends.
Until you really sure you can give the ONLY Love to the person, then it is called Love. Otherwise, treat them as you friend lah.
May 22nd, 2005 at 2:24 am
girl and boy can be friends. but both of them have to contain their feelings. or the boy can just go gay. ha.
June 2nd, 2005 at 11:57 pm
Azmeen says:
Err… you’re the girl? I always thought you’re a guy :tounge:
June 3rd, 2005 at 12:17 am
LOL
I DID SUCH A SILLY MISTAKE!!!
September 28th, 2005 at 1:35 am
From my opinion, a strong friendship of respect and trust will lead to an emotional intimacy. In that environment, romance can easily blossom as is appropriate.
And one or the other or both of you might one day discover that a strong romantic or sexual attraction has developed. The relationship will then be hard pressed to continue as before; it will need to go on to the next level. That emotional intimacy with someone for whom romance/sex is not a prospect has its own natural limit, and can be healthy long term.
As a guy, the girl-as-friend thing may be even more difficult for us to keep straight than for the girls. I think it’s mostly wishful thinking, not as easy as it’s made to look on TV.
I say, the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with is one who is first a really good friend. And I’d say one opposite-sex friend like that is enough.
March 27th, 2006 at 5:04 am
i think that it can happen but i dnt think ur close enough to her for it to if you know wot i mean? me and my best friend have been best friends for the past 7 years and at one point we have both liked each other but we didnt do anything about it as we didnt want to ruin our friendship!! i no people say thats rubbish but if u split with someone on bad terms then it wud ruin everything and i didnt want to risk losing that!! we are still best friends and i love him to pieces but no more then a friend! people used to wind us up sayin that we wud get married but we know that we will be friends forever and are noe expecting anymore from each other!!
I have so many guy friends from school that i still keep in contact with now and we go out clubbin all the time! we spoke about homework and dun all the things that u and this girl are doin but i wudnt even consider gettin with any of them because they are jus friends!!!
Boys and girls can be friends but i think girls see this more then boys do! Alot of boys thing that at one point or another someone will make a move…not always a relationship but that something will happen!! and im not being funny but thats not true! jus because you r nice to girl it doesnt mean she will automatically like u! all girls will say that they dont go for looks but there lyin!! haha there has to be a physical attraction somewhere or the relationship will not go anywhere an im not attracted too all of my guy friends!!
So YES a girl and buy CAN jus be friends! and people should DEFINATELY change their perception!
August 8th, 2006 at 4:00 am
A Girl and a guy can be never become just friends from either side there should be some sort of physical attraction and flirting mentality, other wise is it impossible, all this friendship is a cover to do anything with a girl or a boy, there is NO ACTUAL FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN A GIRL AND A BOY. ALL BULLSHIT RUBBISH STUFF THAT IS FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN TWO DIFFERENT GENDERS.
October 1st, 2006 at 3:17 am
Im leaving this actually, i believe that they cant b friends coz i started to love my best friend but still m controlling myself coz i dont wanna hurt him as he has a gf, n i dont want that our relationship breaks…but m suffering a lot, a lot, it kills me but its impossible…
February 25th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
maybe a girl and a boy can just be friends after all but it trully depends, you know. i mean i have this friend, his name is Vincent and i think i’m falling for him. he cares for me and he is the nicest person i’ve ever met. we were truly close and our classmates keep on teasing us that we’d be a nice couple. in most cases, what is just friendship to a man is often misconstrued as love by the woman who sees what she feel in her hearts.
February 25th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
i think it isn’t possible for a girl and a boy to remained friends forever because at one point or another, one will eventually fall in love with the other. plus, thre will always be this gender issue and those people around you who will keep on teasing you. another thing,if your friend really does care for you, you can’t help it but fall for him or vice versa. but, i guess, it’s okay because it seemed to me that the best relationships- the ones that last are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. you know, i day, you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. like a switch has been flicked somewhere. and the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.
June 9th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
actuali googled
“is it possible to be best friends with a girl
when im a boy”
because probably my closest ‘friend’ happens to be a girl
and this came up…. X/
now ima more confused… some girls saying if ima
caring and stuff, she’ll fall for me, some saying she wont
Tass says shes fallin for her friend and its killing her.
but i cant help not caring for her, shes my friend!!
and if she gets feelings for me, she might get hurt?
i can honestly say that right now our caring relationship
has love, in the sense we care for each other like,
are people saying this cannot go on?
is it not possible to keep lust from ruining a lovely
relationship or do people reali believe that lust
always beats love?
sorry i just made this worse :blush:
June 29th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
elaine says:
You are right…….100%…
June 29th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Tass says:
hmmm……..I can understand that…coz am suffering the same, i love him,but……..my friend’s gf even called me o the phone ad called me all those names…….but i didn’t utter a word, coz i don want to lose him, I mean his friendship……
……
July 4th, 2007 at 1:43 am
strange question…. i’ve always been friends with the opposite sex, with positive results:
my “best friend” (since 5th grade…i’m in college now) is female and i’m male. this has never been an issue. sure, i’ve thought about her sexually – we’ve never acted on that – but tension has never come in the way of our friendship. and, if it did, we’re at that level of communication and mutual understanding where it wouldn’t be awkward – we’d deal with it somehow and emerge for the better.
another close friend, i had a serious crush on when i was 16. it got extremely messy — we didn’t talk for almost a year. now we’ve made up, and we’re close again. i still find her attractive but i’ve realized it’s just not gonna happen, and learned to live with “only” friendship. this isn’t an impediment to our relationship; we consider each other very good friends. though since the “incident” i’ve never been as comfortable or at-ease around her as other people. i suppose i still have suppressed feelings, or maybe just the habits associated with them…
case study #3: girl and i were best friends for a year. we realized we might kinda like each other… and after a couple months of confusion…. we are happily together
. our relationship is that much better than past relationships because we were close friends first, therefore we understand each other as humans and not just as members of the opposite sex.
July 10th, 2007 at 4:00 am
yer u can be. I trust females more than i trust males, but i hang around with my male friends more. Female friends are good to talk to and u can have fun with them, theyre more understanding. One of my best friends is a girl and were cool about it, sometimes i do feel like i might like her though.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
she donot lookat me
September 9th, 2008 at 3:59 am
i have exactly the same problem im bezzies this boi at my skwl and every1 seems tuu have a problem with it !! thye cant accept we only mates !! yeah we have been owt but we werent mates b4 tht !! and ever since we werent goin out anymore we have got closer and closer and people always take da mic!! nd now its kinda pullin us appart !! we can only talk ova the internet so tht there’s no1 tuu say anythin tuu us bwt it !! i dont think i wud ever go out with him because we are really close and i think it wud ruin our friendship plus it wud feel tuu wierd he is like ma brother !!
April 8th, 2009 at 4:26 am
I am sick absoutly sick of people asmuing that me and my guy friends are going out. Some say that it will allways result in love but it don’t I have living proof most of my guys are friends trust me, and I get on better with them than i do with my friends who are girls.
And it don’t allways result in the other liking the other one. OMG what is wrong with this wold today?
Even my mum has loadza guy mates she has never gone out with and just kept it to a good friendship, so I believe in just a pure friendship between a giri and boy. And it is better off just keeping them as a good friend cos if you go out and break up it may result in you guys not talking anymore.
PS your story sounds very simular to what happened to me and one of my good guy friends. We had to keep away from eacother for a while just while the comments settled down, maybe try and give eachother some space so people won’t think it so much, and hopefuly they will get bored and back off eventualy.
It happened to me…
May 26th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
yes a guy n gal can b frnds bt nt best frnds cz at 1 point or d odr,u dvlp feelings 4 d odr..eithr d guy l fall in luv or d vice versa..
In mah case.,i came 2 knw dat my best frnd likes me n gonna propose me..it was vry diff 4 me 2 say no cz it was him on d odr side..v din tlk 4 abt a mnth..den i cald him n he said dat v l b nly frnds 4m nw n nthn else cz v both valud our frndshp alot..nw its al f9 bt v r nt frnds as v wer b4..
June 23rd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Yes, Guys and Girls can just be friends, I have a ton of guy friends that there is nothing other than a very close friendship with. But there is my best friend. He and I have been friends for 5 years and I am totally in love with him. I don’t want to be with anyone else, he is the one. We talked about it a couple times, and now just isnt the right time for US… but he mentioned one night when i was laying in his bed that we remind him of a movie where the guy and the girl are best of friends and they talk to eachother about everything, and then in the end they end up together… well i can only hope i guess!!!!!!!!!
September 3rd, 2009 at 5:44 am
In reply to the main story i got to say that yes, girl & a boy can be friends without any ‘loveship’ when you are not as close. In your case, thats that. You two are just not close enough.
I would like to say something for Tass.
Honey, I was best friends with this guy for agges. Him and I used to do everything together. Its this summer break, over emails he told me that he loved me soo deeply that he would never forget me. It hurt me, thats true. But i dont think it hurt me half as much as I hurt him everyday. Listening to you suffer like that, makes me imagine him go trough the same thing. And its even more painful. Yes, he did tell me. And No i dont have any feelings for him, and even though i didnt answer to his feelings, i am far better off knowing about it than guessing ‘Am i hurting him? Does he love me or its just my imagination?’ Of course i felt something more than friendship from his side. But i never dared to actually think it. So im sure ur friend knows. If you are as close as we are, and that is knowing his emotions on his face even when u turn around or dont even look at him, even when u are just hearing his voice or when you are reading an email. If you are that close, then he definately knows it already, but telling him would help you get over him (in case he doesnt hav any feelings for you) and he would do his best for not hurting you. Trust me. He would be more careful with words, he would love you the same no dought. In case if he doesnt return ur love, just say that no worries, its not worth risking a frienship like urs on love that comes and goes. Thats a good way to put an end to your pain.
Best of luck
xoxo
July 8th, 2011 at 4:08 pm
see… I think that a boy n girl can b very gud frnds, in fact beat frnds but two conditions apply…
Boy or d girl do not find the opposite one quiet attractive to make him/her their bf/gf and the other is even if d opposite one is not attractive u find them very comforting n u like their attitude n character a lot… Frankly speaking a boy who finds a girl attractive enough to make her gf cannot b truly ‘just frnds’ n same wid d girl too….
January 7th, 2012 at 11:44 pm
To your question I would say yes.
Now i would like to pose another question: can a boy and girl have friendship without a carnal desire developing between them ?
Me and my best friend are living proof to say yes to my question.
Me and my best friend have known each other for 23 years now. We were at one point faced with the question when her fiancee’s ego saw us as an item rather than what we were.
My response to this : we have Love between us. BUT only the kind of Love that a mother has for her son and a father for his daughter. There cannot be a relationship without Love in it. Our relationship is one which does not expect anything. We call it FRIENDSHIP. Our friendship began when i snatched a toy from her and it kept running. If I snatched a toy from a boy and asked him to be my friend forever im sure there would be no objections from society. It is only because she is agirl that its a problem.
I was asked to marry her. I have shared my books, my car, my food, my friends, my happiness and my sadness and every goddamn thing in my life. To share my bed with her is something that i have not even dreamt of.
Its been 3 years since I have seen her. her fiancee married her on the condition that i wouldnt see her forever. and even though its excruciating to live without her, I still maintain the clarity that i have on the PURE relationship called friendship and marriage or love.
I would like to end by saying that its not the boy or girl or both thats the problem but its the SOCIETY’S PERCEPTION ON GIRL-BOY FRIENDSHIPS.